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Coaching

How is emotional manipulation a bad thing?

For a public speaking exercise, I ask students to tell a 2-3 minute story in front of the class. I also hand out a stack of simple evaluation sheets to the class — students anonymously rate the speaker’s storytelling skills, vocal skills, body language, and story value from 1-5. I also leave a brief space for written comments.

In one class session, a particular student was a clear standout. Her showmanship was exceptional and she delivered a remarkable performance. She received straight 5’s across the board and a number of enthusiastic and positive comments in her evaluations.

A week later, I asked the class who they thought gave the best presentation. They actually answered in unison — there was no question who delivered the over-the-top knockout performance.

“Great.” I said. “Now, what was her story was about?”

The class fell silent. Seven days later, and no one in class remembered the actual content of the story!

How many times has this happened to you? You see or hear a terrific act (or read a phenomenal book or see a fantastic theatrical performance) — but when someone asks you, “Well? What was it about?” — you mutter something like, “Well, it’s hard to explain. You really had to be there.”

The showmanship upstaged the story.

The razzle-dazzle of the presentation took over the message.

It happens quite a bit. A talented performer, presenter, or artist can actually trick the audience into believing that they understand more than they actually know!

Good showmanship is a form of flattery. When you make your audience feel smarter or better than they actually are, they’re going to like you more. You’re not just selling your audience on an idea, you’re simultaneously selling them the idea that they’re smarter, better, cooler people for paying attention to you.

Is showmanship emotionally manipulative? Yes. Without question.

But how is it a bad thing?

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Presentation

How I followed the Tampon Guy…

At the start of a corporate training session, our leader initiated an icebreaker. Nobody in the room knew each other, so the leader asked us to get up and “share something about yourself that no one would know from reading your resume.”

Most people I know hate icebreaker games like these. Me? I’m a good sport. Sure, icebreakers can be a little hokey, but I like the interaction. I also enjoy listening to other people’s offbeat stories, learning a little about them, and maybe even getting a good jump on remembering names.

I quickly thought of something unusual to share about myself when it became my turn. I then listened to the first speaker: a big, burly man. He blurted out,

“I’m Mike. When I was in college, I was the guy who stocked feminine hygiene products in public restrooms.”

feminine hygiene

 

photo credit: Dani P.L.

The audience burst into laughter. It seemed so unlikely: Mike was very big and masculine! And what a tale to blurt out in front of a room of 20 new colleagues. I admired his guts.

Mike went on to explain that he didn’t put that job on his resume. He never even told any of his college chums about his job.

“It paid good money,” he admitted. “But I’d rather have my friends think I was a small time drug dealer than the tampon guy.”

This just made everyone laugh harder. I was no exception.

But when Mike sat down, it was my turn to get up. The room was still laughing.

“Hi, I’m Laura,” I said. “This one time in college, I was in a public restroom. When I left the stall, I saw a huge man standing in front of the tampon machine. He had his back to me and I didn’t know what he was doing, so I clocked him on the head with my purse and ran. Was that you, Mike?”

The room laughed. Mike nodded with a grin.

“Occupational hazard,” he said. “Happened all the time.”

I sat down, enjoying the continued laughter. I wished the guy who followed me would have told a story about how he accidentally walked into a ladies’ room and found a gigantic man passed out on the floor, covered with tampons.

But he didn’t. I don’t remember what the guy after me said. Something truthful, I’ll bet.

The point of the icebreaker wasn’t necessarily to tell the truth. The point was to connect with the other people in the room. When I saw an opportunity to make a personal connection to Mike and my new colleagues, I didn’t tell the story I had planned to tell.

Is it really lying if everyone knows it’s a joke? Or if an outrageous lie serves a higher purpose?

You can plan your presentation content for months, weeks, days, or even minutes — but you also need to be flexible. Be present. Practice improv. Watch and listen for late-breaking opportunities to give your presentation a little more impact.

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content ideas

Which two little words can kill your confidence?

Kill I think

When I act as an editor for an opinion piece, I frequently strike the phrase “I think.” I remove those two little words because they can actually kill a speaker’s confidence!

Let’s take a look at an example, taken from an attempt to persuade a client.

Read these two sentences aloud:

  • “I think this commercial is going to be extremely effective.”
  • “This commercial is going to be extremely effective.”

Can you hear and feel the difference? Which one sounds more confident and persuasive?

The second statement packs much more emotional punch. Consider the “I think…” phrase as a fluffy pillow that softens the strength of your conviction. The phrase actually weakens the confidence you feel for your own opinion.

When you’re stating your opinion, simply state it. There’s no need to put a fluffy pillow on it. That’s what my designer friends might call “inelegant”.

Luckily, this is an easy fix. The next time you edit a speech, presentation, or essay — run a quick search for the “I think” phrase on your word processor. Simply removing it can make you feel and sound more confident.

Keep your ears open. Now that you’ve read this post, how many times will you hear or see the phrase “I think” in the next 24 hours? You might be surprised to find out that people say or write it more than you, uh, think!

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content ideas

Overcoming the Gross Out Factor

“I really hate public speaking,” said a student who stood up in front of class to deliver her first oral report.

That’s not the most impressive opening line, but I hear it from a new student at least once per semester. And most of the time, the statement isn’t even true.

Often, students who claim to hate public speaking don’t really mind it at all. I often see them happily talk to groups of friends before and after class. That’s public speaking. And it’s even the same audience!

No, they don’t mind public speaking. However, they don’t like the idea of public speaking.

What’s the difference? Let me give you a food-related example from my Facebook feed…

horsemeat

 

photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Last month, I saw much Facebook kerfuffle about the rumors of inaccurate food labeling. Maybe you ate horse, thinking it was pork or beef. Or maybe you ate pig bung, thinking that it was calamari. And did you eat a fish, thinking that it was some other kind of fish entirely?

Most of the hue and cry I read was about “the gross out factor”. People really don’t mind eating horse meat: as long as they don’t know it’s horse meat!

Knowledge grosses people out. It’s not the meat. It’s the idea of it.

Adults regularly do icky things. And we learn to outgrow, embrace, or at least accept all kinds of stuff that used to gross us out.

  • Kiss a boy/girl? Icky!
  • Eat sushi? Gross!
  • Give a presentation? Yuck!
  • Do taxes? Horrors!
  • Get a colonoscopy? Pass!

Responsible grown-ups dutifully embrace a whole array of what once grossed us out completely. In the future, we’re probably going to accept eating pink slime, gobbling GMO foods, and maybe even toy with Soylent Green.

Many of our hangups are irrational or immature. If you find yourself grossed out by something, ask yourself:

“Am I grossed out by the actual thing? Or just by the thought of the thing? How can I outgrow, embrace, or accept this idea?”

If you face the truth, note the distinction, and work through your more immature or irrational hangups: you’re probably braver than most.

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content ideas fun Presentation

What’s the exact opposite of what you’re saying?

When you edit a business presentation that offers a numbered list or step-by-step instructions, here’s a fun way to make your content more satisfying. In your head, ask yourself, “what might the exact opposite of that action be?”

  • “Communicate with employees” might become “Leave employees in the dark.”
  • “Follow the company policy manual” can be “Ignore all laws and rules.”
  • “Remain calm” might become “Have a complete nervous breakdown.”

Freak out

photo credit t0 Frau Shizzle

When I play “the opposite game” as I’m editing a list, I can easily spot weak writing. If my “opposite” advice sounds ridiculous, I know I’m saying something too vague to be valuable.

I might as well not say it at all!

Other than simply eliminating weak writing, I might also want to consider a re-write. A great way to pack more punch into a sloppy call to action is to move from the general to the specific. For example, instead of the first two bullet points, I might write “3 Company Policies to Review with Staff on May 1”. A specific headline or bullet point is often more memorable, actionable, or valuable than a generic one.

Try playing “the opposite game” with your latest business presentation or article. Take a look at your bullet point lists or headlines. What insights does “playing the opposite game” give you? How did it help you make your presentation stronger or more specific?

(And help me out — how can I re-write “Manage Expectations”??? As opposed to what?)

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Coaching Presentation

What no one will tell you: your voice is distracting

I heard a young woman speak on the topic of feminism. Her content was valuable, thoughtful, and well-organized.

However, her voice caught me off completely off guard. She spoke in a high, squeaky, Betty Boop voice.

Betty Boop - I  Have A Large Betty Boop In My ApartmentPhoto credit: infomatique 

Initially, I assumed the speaker was adopting a cartoonish voice to illustrate something about her subject matter. Instead of listening to her actual words, I began waiting for her to use her natural voice to explain the point of her cartoon voice.

I was mistaken. The speaker used the squeaky voice throughout her entire presentation, without explanation.

I suspect that the speaker did not have a medical problem. She simply didn’t know how to find or use a natural speaking voice.

Unfortunately, we don’t seem to notice when we use a distracting voice. And it’s not like our friends are going to tell us, either.

I recently overheard a middle-aged woman whine to her friend.

“My teenage daughter is always whining,” she whined. The woman’s tone was high-pitched and nasally. “Why do my kids always whine?”

She asked this without a hint of irony!

Her friend didn’t offer the obvious answer. Instead, she smiled and sympathized with her friend’s complaint. I didn’t jump in with the answer, either — my eavesdropping was already rude enough!

Whining, squealing, speaking in a montone, mumbling, talking too loudly — we’ve all used a distracting voice from time to time. But when was the last time someone actually called you on it?

If your friends, family, and colleagues won’t tell you that your voice is distracting: how will you know? And how will you get help?

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Coaching social media

Talk like a human, not like a robot

This morning, a company rep told me, “”Customer satisfaction is our number one priority.”

I laughed, because no human being actually talks like that, right? Clearly, he was badly coached. Stilted words guaranteed a clumsy delivery. This turned into an awkward, laugh-out-loud moment.

Later this afternoon, I worked with another service.

“Customer service is our top priority,” the customer service person squawked at me, stiffly.

I didn’t laugh this time. I felt alarmed. Twice in one day? Two different companies? What gives?

When did training employees to talk like robots sneak back into fashion?

talk like a robot

The rise of social media taught us that robotic corporate scripts do little to help customers connect to the brand. Instead of training employees to ‘speak to a script’ — it’s far superior to learn business improvisational skills.

  • How might a customer react to a certain situation? How might an employee respond?
  • How might an employee initiate a conversation? How might a customer respond?

The answers to each set of questions are limitless. Limiting conversations to a small set of scripts dehumanizes the interaction. It’s a painful and humiliating experience for both the employee and the customer.

Instead of scripting your business interactions, imagine a training session where employees present each other with a variety of customer-facing situations. Employees can practice responding to the many moods and scenarios they encounter on a daily basis. Employees learn and practice empathy skills when they act as customers in each scenario.

Why would anyone ‘stick to the script’ when they can instead present an opportunity to make an authentic personal connection?

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Coaching Presentation video

For your next video conference: think Nixon…

Watch the first televised presidential debate on YouTube. Kennedy and Nixon go head-to-head in 1960. Today, this debate is often discussed as an example of how much your personal appearance matters when it comes to an important televised presentation.

Kennedy took great care to look good on camera. He wore a neatly pressed dark suit. He appeared clean shaven. Also, Kennedy actually wore makeup during the debate.

Kennedy Nixon First Televised debate

By contrast, Nixon didn’t seem to bother much with his appearance. He wore a rumpled suit. Under the bright lights of the TV cameras, every wrinkle in this light-colored suit became deeply exaggerated. Nixon also pooh-poohed makeup. At certain points in the video, you can see sweat beading on Nixon’s face.

And, oh dear…I wonder if Nixon even shaved. Is that razor stubble I see?

When people talk about the first televised Nixon-Kennedy debate, you most often hear them discuss the way each candidate looked. Very few people talk about the actual content of this debate.

For the TV generation — appearance matters.

Let’s fast forward 35 years from 1960. In 1995, I participated in my first video conference for business. In the mid-90’s, video conferencing was very expensive, but it allowed us to significantly trim travel costs with our established customers.

Today, I still participate in business video conferences. Inexpensive and easy-to-use tools like Skype and Google Hangouts help keep travel and productivity costs in check. I also participate in webinars and perform in online videos on YouTube and lynda.com video tutorials.

But if there’s one tip I’d like to share with you about appearing in any web video for business purposes today, it’s this:

Think Nixon.

You may think, “Oh, but I’m an engineer/programmer/technician. The way I look in my web video conference doesn’t matter. People really care more about my content. They won’t judge me on the way I look…”

Think Nixon.

Or if you’re a salesperson and you think, “Hey, my customers and prospects are smart. They understand that I’m not really greenish-grey. They know that fluorescent lighting just makes me look that way on camera…”

Think Nixon.

Or if you’re a designer and you find yourself saying, “Honestly, looks don’t matter…”

(Wait…you’re a designer and you think the way stuff looks on screen doesn’t matter???)

Think Nixon.

Your audience is the TV generation. They have expectations for how people look and perform on screen. If you fall short, they’re probably not going to tell you to your face.

But will they secretly judge you? Sure. They can’t help it.

There’s a heck of a lot of work that goes into looking and sounding acceptable on camera! Lighting. Hair. Makeup. Wardrobe. Camera angles. Props. Set design. And much, much more….

In person, you may look like a polished professional. And even if you’re slightly “off” — a few small raindrop stains on your suit, a bit of a 5 o’clock shadow, faded post-coffee lipstick – we regularly overlook these minor flaws in people we work with in person.

But on camera? With people you have yet to meet?

As the saying goes, you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression!

Think Nixon.

If you’re going to participate in a video conference for business, I strongly suggest that you try conferencing with people who already know you. Meet people in person first – they’ll be far more likely to forgive any technical shortcomings with regard to your video appearance. If they already like you in person, they’ll actually be glad to see you on camera.

However, if you’re looking to make a positive first impression with customers by offering an online video experience — invest in the important facets of video production. Take some time to polish your personal appearance and presentation techniques.

Think Nixon.

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Coaching Presentation

What’s next in online education?

Earlier this year, I wrote and performed Public Speaking Fundamentals for the Lynda.com Online Training Library. I wrote the scripts from April through June, and then flew out to California to shoot the series in July. The course went live on August 31. Go check it out — beyond my course, Lynda.com provides a massive library of very high quality video instruction. (Get 10 days of free unlimited access to lynda.com.)

Now that it’s October, I find myself back in the traditional classroom. I’m teaching Creativity in Marketing and Social Media/Web Marketing at Grand Valley State University. And I coach/train corporate clients, as well.

I enjoy teaching. Always have.

But it’s not a classroom that makes you a teacher. More likely, it’s a passion for learning and the desire to enthusiastically share knowledge makes you a teacher.

Other than the traditional classroom, there must be a zillion different ways to teach and learn. Some of the best computer programmers I’ve ever worked with are self-taught. They read, they tinker, they pick things apart, they experiment…and they become absolutely phenomenal at what they do.

My Lynda.com adventure this year got me thinking — what’s next with education? I see and hear vivid discussions about college courses going online. For example, sites like Coursera partner with top universities to offer college courses online — for anyone, for free. Other sites like Udemy and Skillshare let teachers create and market hybrid courses that can feature both online learning as well as in-person workshops.

Where are we going with online education? I hear mixed reviews. Some of my colleagues and students bristle at the idea of online education: they feel it cheapens the credential of obtaining a ‘real’ education in the ‘real’ world. Others view online education as new material that can help enhance the learning experience.

Obviously, I’m biased. After all, I’m a learning junkie. And I never would have participated in the Lynda.com adventure if I didn’t believe in the quality and efficacy of online education. (And did I mention that Lynda.com people are particularly great at delivering high quality content?)

On the other hand, I also believe we learn tremendous amounts by bumping into each other in the real world. Grand Valley State University fosters a diverse and inclusive atmosphere. When students get to jam it up with people with different backgrounds and perspectives, why, that in itself drives creativity and innovation.

I have my own opinions, but I’d like to hear yours.

Where are we going with online education? What’s new — and what’s next?

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Coaching fun PowerPoint Presentation Presentation

How do you feel about the “thank you” slide?

At the end of a presentation, you can say, “thank you.”

Sure, it’s not the strongest close in the world. However, it’s certainly acceptable to say “thank you” if you’re feeling especially grateful or moved.

But a slide that reads “Thank You” at the end of your presentation? That’s weak.

Thank You Slide

A “Thank You” slide takes the focus off the genuine emotional gratitude of the speaker. It reduces authentic warmth to an emotionally hollow visual cliché.

Further, it shows that you assume that your audience will be grateful for your presentation. What if they aren’t? What if they’re hostile to you and your message? And then you go ahead and put up your ‘thank you’ slide while they’re all booing, further antagonizing them with your sarcasm.

What’s your excuse for using a “Thank You” slide at the end of your presentation?