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Coaching communication public speaking social media video

Beware the false dilemma! How to pivot away from either-or questions…

Consider these four questions. You’ve seen headlines like these in your social media feeds:

  1. Who suffers more: Alzheimer’s patients or Alzheimer’s caregivers?
  2. What’s more important: presentation content or presentation delivery?
  3. Office work or remote work: which is better for productivity?
  4. Why would anyone need to go to college when they could just take online classes?

Media outlets that depend on advertising dollars often like to post false dilemma questions like these. They do it with the aim of “increasing engagement” or “starting conversations.”

A casual reader or viewer might not even care that deeply about the posed question. But once they’ve responded by picking a side – uh, oh!

They’ve entered a trap.

Once people answer one way or the other, they might feel as if they have to defend their position. Sometimes, they’ll even fight with people who selected the other side of the either-or equation.

You know what happens next. Fights draw crowds.

With one simple either-or question, the media outlet that posted the question used an agitation technique. Deliberately posing a false dilemma question to ‘increase engagement’ is propaganda.

Often, the intent is not to inform or educate. The true aim of the false dilemma question is to agitate, confuse, and/or polarize.

Keep your eye out for these kinds of questions. You’ll see and hear deliberate agitation techniques all the time.

Some polarizing questions are posed innocently, but most are deliberately designed to agitate. They create pointless fights and arguments. They prevent any kind of substantive progress.

Increased engagement? More like “increased agitation”.

And it’s not just media outlets who use this technique to cause fights or draw crowds. Sometimes, you’ll be presented with an either-or question in everyday work or personal situations.

Let’s say you’re presented with a false dilemma question in real life. Unlike social media, you can’t choose to not participate. How can you answer it without helping to create an unstable and contentious environment?

Sometimes, you can’t say nothing. You must respond. If so, you might like to try a classic, 2-step pivoting technique.

For example, let’s say a public speaking student asks me, in front of class:

“For our next class presentation, tell us. What’s more important: content or delivery?”

Since the student is asking an either-or question, I might use a pivot statement.

I might say, “I wouldn’t frame the question that way.”

Then, I say how I would frame it. Then, I answer that question.

And my answer? It’s almost never either-or. It’s almost always both-and.

For example, I might say,

“I wouldn’t frame the question that way. Content and delivery are both important, so you need to work on both. Don’t forget – you need to make a connection with your audience.”

Remember that two step process:

  1. Use the pivot phrase “I wouldn’t frame it that way” to politely reject an either-or, false dilemma scenario;
  2. Proceed with framing a both-and response.

Let’s see how this 2-step technique might work in a TV interview. Pretend a reporter asks a doctor:

“Who suffers more, Alzheimer’s caregivers or Alzheimer’s patients?”

The doctor might recognize the false dilemma from media training and say:

“I wouldn’t frame it that way, since both groups suffer in their own unique ways. Nor should we try to make suffering some sort of competition. Instead, I’d rather use my time here today to address what we can do to ease the suffering of both patients and their caregivers.”

Well, done, doctor!

And now, I’ll give you two brief exercises to try on your own. Now that you know to recognize a false dilemma question when you see one, practice answering this either-or question:

“Which scenario is better for productivity: office work or remote work?”

Try using the two-step technique to answer. (Here’s my take on the subject…no peeking until you’ve answered on your own!)

And now, here’s your last exercise. Answer this oft-asked question:

“Why would anyone need to go to college when they could just take online classes?”

Go ahead. Once again, formulate your own answer.

Here’s my 11 second pivot response to the Classroom v. Online learning question.

Learn to recognize and respond appropriately to inflammatory and polarizing questions. Life is seldom an either-or scenario.

Your life is bigger than “either-or”. Your life is almost always “both-and”.


Laura Bergells is a writer and instructor. Check out her online courses at LinkedIn Learning.  You can also find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
Coaching communication Education fun Presentation public speaking video

Lose your fear and learn to present on-camera

Three years ago, I organized an online web conference. At the request of an organization, I interviewed three of their Subject Matter Experts to get background information for a presentation.

The following photo is a re-creation of what I saw in this online meeting:

Uh-huh. That’s right.

For almost the entire interview, I stared at a close up of one man’s ear. After a few minutes, I told him he might want to adjust his camera.

“Oh, sorry,” he said. I then got an extreme close up of what appeared to be his hairline. 

“Is that your neck?”

“Probably.”

“I think I preferred your ear.”

“Oh. OK.”

For the next hour, we all looked at his ear. 

My interview subject never saw his audience. He never looked at the camera. We could see his ear twitch a bit as he talked, but that was about it.

Let me be clear. The expert with the wiggly ear?

He’s brilliant in his field. He had wonderful information to share. And he’s also a delightful person.

He simply didn’t know anything about presenting on camera. It was his first time, and he was too intimidated to tell anybody he didn’t know what he was doing.

He thought he could fake it. And in a way, he was right. 

We were a friendly group. We didn’t judge our colleague too harshly.

We were in a time crunch, so we smiled and went on with the meeting. And after all, we all knew the guy was a genius.

But I also know he’s doing much better now. Post-meeting, he took some good-natured ribbing and sought help.

He learned more about delivering online presentations. And of course, he continues to gain valuable experience.

There are plenty of tips available to help you improve your own online video performance. Here are six of my favorites: they’re all available through LinkedIn Learning:

1. Successful video conferencing tips

2. Developing your on-camera presence

3. Setting up your home or office filming environment

4. Wardrobe and makeup tips

5. Lighting tips

6. Tips for on-camera body language and posture

This sort of specific information and advice can help get you going in the right direction with regard to your next on-camera presentation. Think you don’t need help? That it’s no big deal? 

Your audience was raised on TV or online. We have expectations for how people look and perform on a screen. You may be warm and wonderful in person – but how do you come across on camera?

We were all kind to “ear guy” — but you don’t always have the luxury of being in front of an audience who loves and accepts you no matter what crazy thing you do. You’ll want to learn and practice some of the basics before you present to employers, clients, key stakeholders, and the public. 

You probably don’t think of yourself as a film star. But if you’re asked to present on camera, guess what? 

You’re a video star now, my friend. It may be a low budget production from your home office, but who knows? One low budget presentation could have enormous business stakes…or at least lead to previously unheard of opportunities. (It happened to me.)

Prepare yourself. We’re all video stars now.

If it hasn’t happened to you already… it’s going to happen soon. We’ll all be presenting more on camera in the future.

See you online!


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a LinkedIn Learning course author. Check out Establishing Credibility as a SpeakerCrisis Communication and Public Speaking.

Categories
Coaching communication public speaking

Fashions change. Fundamentals don’t.

In the 1990’s, I worked for a company that changed its dress code. We went from business formal to business casual.

Employees accepted this change readily. I felt like I got a raise, because my dry cleaning expenses almost disappeared. And the comfort of ditching a suit for the dark jeans, tee-shirt, and blazer combo? Whee!

Last year, I read about a relaxed dress code at Goldman Sachs. In the same year, I heard the controversy over bare arms.

The buzz about “well, what do I wear now?” hums and throbs with a fair amount of regularity. Why, I wrote a blog post on this topic in 2011. I touched on it in another post in 2012.

In 2017, I did (more than one) workshop and consult on the topic of “Establishing Credibility as a Public Speaker“. In it, I answered the “what do I wear?” question yet again.

In 2018, I filmed a course for LinkedIn Learning titled “Establishing Credibility as a Speaker“. In this 2:35 minute video, I discuss the whole “what do I wear” concept in more detail.

For the past few decades, my advice hasn’t changed that much. Bottom line?

Fashions change. Communication fundamentals don’t.

And guess what? I suspect my 2017-era advice still be apt in 2027 and beyond.

Know this: your non-verbal communication impacts your credibility as a public speaker. As you face your audience, think about your fashion choices.

How will your fashion choices help support your message and intent?

Sometime you’ll want to blend in. Other times, you’ll want to use your fashion choices to stand out…or to make a stand. Depending on your message and intent, dressing provocatively may help you establish credibility and inspire change more than playing it safe.

What do you think? In 2037, will I be dispensing the same “what to wear” advice? Or will we have evolved beyond judging others on their appearance?


Laura Bergells is not a fashion expert. She’s a writer and teacher. Check out her courses on Crisis Communication and Public Speaking. The above video is an excerpt from a 2018 course, “Establishing Credibility as a Speaker“.

You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
Presentation

“What do you do?” How to answer this question like an artist

So. What do you do?

For years, I’ve read articles that tell me to never ask people what they do as an icebreaker. And yet, people I don’t know keep asking me what I do.

How about you? Do people ask you what you do a lot?

I suspect that no matter how many articles pile up on this topic — people won’t change. They’ll keep at it. They’ll keep asking what I do.

That’s cool. But a few years ago, I decided to change my answer.

In the past, I might have said I was a writer. Or a teacher. Or a business communication consultant. Or a speech coach.

Freelancers tend to cobble together an umbrella career of a wide range of skills. We perform many tasks in the realm of crafting and delivering messages.

I’ve been toying with the idea of saying “I’m a slasher. I write SLASH teach SLASH coach SLASH speak…you get the picture.

It’s very Hollywood. No one’s an actor. They’re an actor SLASH writer SLASH producer.

Think Orson Welles. Or Oprah. Or Donald Glover. They not only slay, they’re slashers.

But saying “I’m a slasher” can be confusing for people who ask what I do. If I tell them I’m a writer, most think in terms of “book” — not “speeches” or “scripts” or “copy”.

If I say, “teacher” – they ask what grade. If I say “speaker” – they ask if I live in a van, down by the river.

To help clear things up, I tried following some more advice. This time, another slew of articles and books told me that I needed to craft an elevator pitch.

I was instructed to say something like this,

“I work with growing businesses to help them create and deliver compelling messaging.”

But to me, that sounded arch and stilted. It also seemed like I was using a lot of words to say “I write, teach, coach, and speak.”

The elevator pitch approach? It didn’t work out too well for me. I felt like a dope when I said it. So I’ve hit upon a new tactic when people ask me what I do.

I literally tell them. I share the most recent, top-of-mind thing I actually did. For example, here’s a list of a few things I might say:

  • “Oh! I’m reading this fascinating book about…”
  • “Last week, I published an article on…”
  • “I spoke at a conference about…”
  • “I took a class on…”
  • “I’ve been listening to more audio books. I just finished…”
  • “So far this year, I spent over 100 hours trying to get medical coverage.”
  • “I’ve been driving my car less and walking more.”
  • “I went on vacation to…”
  • “I sous vide a turkey in a beer cooler.”
  • “I’m watching…”
  • “I participated in a…”

See what I’ve done? I’ve taken the question literally. When people ask what I do, I tell them what I’m actually doing…then I follow it up with a little bit of specificity.

I’ll confess. This approach has gotten mixed results. Many times, people will be interested in a book I’ve read, a class I’ve taken, or a conference I attended.

Then, they chime in with their own reading list. Or class. Or conference. Or whatever.

I like it when that happens. It’s an entertaining discussion. And we end up bonding over interests and ideas.

But other times, all this ‘literal’ approach does is cause more confusion. I might tell someone I wrote an article about a topic and they’d repeat,

“Sure. But what do you do? You know? For a living?”

So then I’d fall back to saying, “I write, teach, and coach.” Then, they’d seem annoyed or confused that I didn’t lead with that before telling them about an article I wrote.

Oh, well. No matter. Can’t win ’em all.

On the plus side, I’m not hurting for clients or work. At the moment, I have plenty to do.

I sometimes joke that I sign so many non-disclosure agreements, it’s a wonder I can talk about anything. Ever. At all.

On the negative side, I have no idea if my ‘answering the question literally’ is the right approach to take. But, hey. At least I’m enjoying myself.

People aren’t going to stop asking me what I do any time soon. By being literal, I’m hoping to create a more human connection over interesting topics like books, ideas, current events, and mutual interests.

What about you? What do you say when people ask “So. What do you do?”


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a LinkedIn Learning course author. Check out Establishing Credibility as a SpeakerCrisis Communication and Public Speaking.

Laura has decades of experience as a business communication coach. She has a Master’s Degree in Public Administration and leads workshops on effective communication. You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
Coaching Education fun Presentation public speaking

What are you doing with your face + body during a team presentation?

Being a part of a team or ensemble can be fun and uplifting. And for the audience, a great team is a joy to watch.

Ask any sports fan. They’ll tell you this is true.

In contrast, let me describe the on-screen action I saw in a recent online group presentation. Maybe this will sound familiar to you:

Two guys fiddled on their phones while one colleague talked. Then guy #2 started talking.

Guy #1 and #3 started playing with their phones. When guy #3 talked, a woman seated at the conference table rolled away and faced the door.

Let’s pretend the content of this meeting was strong and the information was outstanding. What did the non-verbals say?

distracted

Hot. Mess. 

You guessed it. This was not a great team showing.

Each person focused solely on their own personal performance while speaking. They barely acknowledged the others in the room.

My guess? They didn’t know what team role to play while they weren’t speaking.

That’s not a team presentation. That’s a series of individual performances.

If you’re not talking, you’re still presenting. You need to be active and engaged in a team presentation.

What role should you play in a team presentation when you’re not talking? It depends.

Huddle with your the team before the show. In general, there are two non-speaking roles:

1) cheerleader or 2) observer.

cheer leader

What do I mean by cheerleader? What role do cheerleaders play?

By cheerleader, I mean when one of your team members is talking, you look at them. You focus on the speaker and give them your energy.

You smile and nod when it’s appropriate. You make it clear to the audience that you think the presenter is a genius.

You give your team member your undivided attention and full support. That’s what I mean by cheerleader.

You’re not waving pompoms. You are sending positive energy to your team member so they deliver a better presentation.

You’re also sending a great non-verbal message to the audience. Your body language puts the audience at ease.

When you pay attention to the speaker, so does the audience. When they see you smile and nod, they’re more likely to mimic your behavior.

But cheerleader isn’t the only position you can play. You can also be an observer.

observer watchdog
Watch, Dog.

What’s an observer? What role do observers play?

The observer looks at the audience and picks up on their non-verbal cues. Hey, did somebody look confused when your speaker said something?

Or if it’s an online presentation, did someone write in with a question or comment? The observer watches quietly, and sometimes takes notes.

The observer can feed the speaker with questions after he or she finishes speaking. Observers often positively rephrase any parts that may have caused confusion.

For example,

“That was great, Laura. I especially liked that part where you said ‘just because you’re not speaking doesn’t mean you’re not presenting.’ To me, that means I’m not going to check my phone or otherwise check out mentally while you’re talking. I’m on your team, so I’m going to give you my attention. Good advice!”

See what the observer did? The observer was active and engaged. The observer supported and reinforced the speaker’s message.

If one of your team members or co-presenters is talking, give that person your support. You may be a cheerleader or an observer, but decide ahead of time what role you’re going to play when you’re not talking.

Then, act your part. When you’re giving a team presentation, be mindful of what you’re doing when you are not speaking.

team presentation

Go team!


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a LinkedIn Learning course author. Check out her courses on Crisis Communication and Public Speaking.

Laura has decades of experience as a business communication coach. She has a Master’s Degree in Public Administration and leads workshops on effective communication. You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
communication fun

🔥 Are you tapping into the red-hot octopus power of emoji? 🐙

On a personal note, friends have texted me the octopus emoji over the past year. Same deal with the fire emoji.

These are inside jokes. They make me smile.

The red hot octopus emoji? They help me bond with my friends. 🐙🔥

But what about using emoji in business? How well are businesses using emoji to communicate? Is emoji use in business even appropriate?

Over the past year and a half, I reached out to two huge international brands on Twitter to get help from customer support. Both brands quickly resolved my issues and answered my questions.

Problems solved! Hurrah!

Both of my big-brand customer service Twitter responses were helpful, positive, and upbeat. But here are the final words from each:

 

Note how one giant brand responded with an emoji: the other didn’t. The customer service rep with the monogram ^MF literally put a face on what was previously a faceless text relationship.

How is that supposed to make me feel? How well did each brand communicate with me?

Big companies are supporting emoji use in business communication. Many leaders in communication believe it can help support their brand promise.

Appropriate emoji use has become a part of corporate brand guides as well as business communication training programs. For the first time this year, I even found myself pitching emoji use in client marketing copy.

(The client said “yes”. And we’re off and running…)

Think of emoji as a new and nuanced form of punctuation. If you’re writing for modern people, how might you communicate more effectively by writing with emoji?

After all, real people use emoji in their day-to-day messages. Companies want to seem approachable and likable to their customers.

Organizations want to put a face and a feeling to what might otherwise be a perfunctory relationship. You’ll see big brands support emoji use — and develop guides for what is and isn’t appropriate for their brand.

You’re going to see more emoji use in business communication. Keep an eye out for it.

How does your company support the use of emoji in business communication? And if they don’t — why not?

For a quick (3m 36s) tutorial on using emoji and emoticons in business, check out this video on #LinkedInLearning. 

———————————————————

Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a LinkedIn Learning author. Check out her courses on Crisis Communication and Public Speaking. If you’re a writer, check out Scrivener Essential Training.

You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
Coaching communication crisis Education public speaking

Face it: you need to fake it. Authenticity is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Authenticity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. To show our care and compassion for others, we often need to put aside our feelings.

There are higher truths that need to be served. Ask a mother whose child has fallen off a swing set. The child is bleeding and crying.

Does the mother give in to her worst fears? Does she start weeping and screaming? Nope.

“You’ll be OK, sweetie. We’re going to take a quick ride to the emergency room! Won’t that be exciting!”

In business, we often find ourselves in situations where we need to be brave. We need to show confidence we don’t feel.

Let me share three situations where this can happen:

  1. A novice speaker feels terrified. She’s never stood in front of a group of professionals before. She has wonderful knowledge to share, but she has butterflies. 🦋 She feels so nervous, she’s scared she might throw up.

  2. A seasoned pro feels confident. He’s stood in front of groups a zillion times before. Minutes before a critical speech, however; he learns of a grave personal tragedy. 💔 Heartbroken, he feels like bursting into tears.

  3. A mid-career pro is on stage, wowing the audience. Suddenly, an alarm sounds. A flurry of text alerts go off, advising everyone in the room of a weather emergency. 🌪️The on-stage performer is so afraid, she feels like fleeing.

When “being authentic and keepin’ it real” means puking, crying, and/or running away — you’ll want to consider other options. If you feel afraid: it’s 100% OK to muster up courage and instead show confidence.

A one minute video, where I offer a little pep talk to a nervous speaker…

If you’re standing in front of an audience, you’re in a leadership position. Your fear can spread like a contagion. For the good of your audience, you can’t risk starting a panic by acting on your worst fears.

You need to show courage. You need to be brave.

It you want to be self-deprecating, you can call your real bravery ‘fake it ’til you make it’. That’s cool. I get it. I think it’s a shame, though…

Social pressure forces you to re-frame your “real bravery” as “fake confidence”.

…but I see you. When you say ‘fake it ’til you make it’ – I know who you really are. You’re my favorite kind of person.

You’re brave. When you feel scared, but carry on with confidence – that’s almost the dictionary definition of courage.

Hardihood?

So let’s say you’re faking confidence…does this mean you’re an impostor? In a word, no.

I know social pressure can be a monster, though. You’ve probably heard voices say “fake” anything is wrong and bad.

Social conditioning may have laid a vicious head trip on you. It’s an ugly voice telling you any display of confidence needs to be “real” not “fake”. It’s this dreadful and simplistic notion of:

“fake always bad; real always good!”

News flash: sometimes, real confidence can be a real disaster. Further, a wellspring of heartfelt self-assurance is not likely to magically radiate out of a real expert who is suddenly thrust into a completely unfamiliar situation.

It’s why experts practice and drill. It’s why we rehearse and edit. It’s why we put ourselves in new and challenging situations.

We need to develop more than a shallow “just be authentic” form of self awareness. How can you “just be yourself” if you don’t really know yourself… or how you might act in unfamiliar situation? How do you work with authentic “fight or flight” instincts that might not serve you well?

Thoughtful, introspective people choose continuous learning. They’ll often pick an environment like a classroom or workshop to build experience, knowledge, and confidence.

Smart people don’t sit around and hope for confidence to magically appear when they need it the most. They go out of their way to develop and nurture it with training and practice.

Consider these three learning scenarios where almost everything is fake:

  1. In beginning public speaking classes, we practice physical exercises in a friendly environment. When we work on techniques and gain experience speaking in front of others; we start to feel less afraid. 🦋
  2. In speech workshops, speakers receive feedback. They may decide to tweak their content structure and word choices before going public. Editing and coaching often improves messaging.  ❤️
  3. In crisis communication sessions, we drill on worst case scenarios that have yet to happen. We role play to be mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to face tough challenges. 🌪️

In each case, we’re not being 100% authentic. The classroom is a simulation, not reality. Through learning, we build confidence.

When you’re navigating through difficult and complex issues, be aware of nuance. Instead of a clinging to simple gut-level truisms; consider serving a higher truth.

Courage.


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a #LinkedInLearning author. Check out her courses on Crisis Communication and Public Speaking. New this month: Establishing Credibility as a Speaker.

You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
Coaching communication

Hate meetings? Try implementing this one simple rule to change the way you feel forever.

I love meetings. But I understand why you might not.

A friend recently shared a workplace anecdote. One day, she and her colleagues gathered together for a meeting.

For the first few minutes, they shuffled papers and fumbled with their phones. Then they stared at each other.

Finally, someone said it.

“Hey, what’s this meeting about?”

And no one in the room knew! After 15-20 minutes of griping, they went back to their offices.

Wow. I told my friend that was crazy.

Was it a meeting or an experiment? Absurd theater, maybe?

Waiting for Godot? No Exit?

Alas, no. She said this kind of thing happens at her workplace ALL. THE. TIME.

Sheesh. If that’s the kind of thing that happens “all the time” — no wonder people say they hate meetings.

If you work in this kind of crazy culture, I get it. Chances are, you can’t fathom how great meetings can be in organization that actually respects time, talent, and teamwork.

Cultural change is hard, though. You can’t just put up a sign that says “respect my time and talents” and expect it to happen.

Someone needs to make change happen. Someone needs to set some boundaries.

And that person? If you hate meetings, it might actually be up to you.

What if you took one brave step to change your company’s culture? And what if it started with your hatred of meetings?

Early in my career, I worked for two organizations. They both followed a strict “if no agenda, then no meeting rule.”

Going to a meeting without an agenda? Unthinkable. For years, I never thought there was any other way.

No agenda? No meeting.

It’s that simple. Don’t go to meetings where you don’t have a written agenda.

It’s one small rule, but it can start a conversation. It can change the way people in your organization think and talk about meetings.

Because once you get going on the “no agenda, no meeting” framework, you’ve set a constructive boundary. From this, other positive changes can start happening.

Meetings, after all, are a team activity. And if you’ve got a team, you need to play positions. (Who’s the leader? Who’s keeping minutes? Who’s following up? Etc.)

And of course, you make rules. (How long? Where? When? Standing? Sitting? Etc.) And if you have 1) a team that 2) play positions and 3) there are rules, then guess what?

You have all the basic ingredients for gamification, my friend. You can make your meetings challenging and (gasp) fun.

Remember: the word “goals” is a sports term. If your meeting has goals, you might have a game in play.

For example, you can keep stats on meetings with all the passion you have for keeping stats on your favorite sports teams. (Go, data!) You can define metrics for winning a meeting. (Hurray for innovation!) You can run spirited interdepartmental or by-client competitions. (Yay, team!)

Bottom line? You can make meetings productive, useful, and fun.

Adopt the “no agenda, no meeting rule.” You might find you don’t hate meetings so much after all.


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and LinkedIn Learning author. New course released this month: Establishing Credibility as a Speaker 

Categories
Coaching fun public speaking

Impostor Syndrome is not the problem. Expert Syndrome is.

Apparently, I have Impostor Syndrome. An estimated 70% of us do.

Even so, I don’t feel I should write this post. Who am I to write about my own experience?

I don’t even know how to spell it. Is it Imposter Syndrome? Or is it Impostor Syndrome?

E or O?

That’s the essence of Imposter Syndrome. I always feel someone else knows more than me, even about my own life experience.

I’ll research to the point of ridiculousness. I feel like a giant fraud, at all times.

But my Impostor Syndrome? It’s totally reasonable.

I know millions of other people must be more talented and knowledgeable than me. That’s basic math.

My accomplishments? I got lucky.

I was born into a family that loved and supported me. I was born into a social system that gave me advantages. That’s basic Sociology.

If you try to sooth me by saying, “But you work hard!” — I will reply, “Hard work is irrelevant. Zillions of people work harder than I do. They weren’t as lucky as me.”

I know this. I will not be soothed. I will not be convinced of my worthiness.

Also, I’d rather not be labeled with any kind of syndrome. But if I had a choice between Impostor Syndrome and Expert Syndrome, I’d pick Impostor Syndrome. Some cool and accomplished people have Impostor Syndrome.

Tom Hanks? Maya Angelou? Sonia Sotomayor?

Shoot. I’m in good company.

So why is it that I’m frequently targeted with a blizzard of self-help articles on how to overcome Imposter Syndrome? My Impostor Syndrome has some positive outcomes. It fuels my self-deprecating humor. It inspires me to appreciate and respect the contributions of others. It motivates me to keep learning more.

In contrast, what about all those know-nothings who seem high on self-importance? Why aren’t they being hammered with articles to help them overcome their Expert Syndrome?

Check out these search results: that’s some kind of disparity in self-help volume.

expert syndrome doesn't exist

It turns out, Expert Syndrome isn’t even real. It seems I made the term up in a fit of pique. Expert Syndrome doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry. Instead, it’s called the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

That’s not phrase parity. I’m gonna continue to call it Expert Syndrome, by cracky.

Because no offense to Dunning or Kruger, but people instantly know what I mean when I say Expert Syndrome. You see it everywhere.

If someone with Expert Syndrome browses an article about a topic, they feel they’ve earned a Ph.D. on the subject. If they do an hour’s worth of mediocre work, they update their resume with their accomplishments — then alert the media. They might be tone-deaf, but they believe they can win American Idol.

I crown myself

Buoyed by overconfidence and entitlement, people with Expert Syndrome actually think they understand topics deeply or do things well. They feel they possess an incredible wealth of experience, talent, and knowledge.

But they don’t. They’re delusional.

It sounds hard to believe, but someone can demonstrate a long track record of failure – and still project confidence. And often, the public will overlook their obvious lack of knowledge, talent, and experience. Instead, they’ll fall for the swagger.

Expert Syndrome is a huge problem for organizations. People with Expert Syndrome interview well. They write impressive résumés. They display the charm that wins over recruiters, interviewers, and hiring managers. When they fail at work, they get promoted: because in our culture, outsized confidence often trumps lackluster results.

It’s not only a personal failing, it’s a cultural one. Organizations that value braggadocio are top heavy with people who lack knowledge, ability, empathy, and understanding.

And that’s one reason why there are few self-help articles directed at solving Expert Syndrome. There’s no target audience. A person with Expert Syndrome won’t recognize themselves — so they won’t even feel tempted to read it.

I'm drunk on self-importance

Society provides no incentive for those with Expert Syndrome to seek help. Instead, they are often rewarded for their behavior.

That brings us back to Impostor Syndrome. The 70% of us who have it? We might be the only hope to end the scourge of Expert Syndrome.

We need to take an ironic first step: we need to pretend we have confidence. When it comes to displaying confidence, we actually need to become the impostors we think we are.

I know you won’t do this for you. You’re probably not much of a “personal gain” kind of person.

But maybe you’ll fake confidence to help others. We need talented and thoughtful people. We need people with empathy and insight. We need to work with people who are actually aware of the simple fact they don’t know everything.

That’s why you need to at least pretend to be confident. If you don’t, we might have to continue to work with insufferable blowhard know-nothings.

So don’t be selfish about this. Embrace your Impostor Syndrome — and learn to fake confidence.


Laura Bergells is a writer, teacher, and a #LinkedInLearning author. Check out her courses on Crisis Communication and Public Speaking.

You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Categories
communication fun

When businesses thank you for your patience, they’re treating you like a dog — one of Pavlov’s dogs.

I often act patient, even when I don’t feel it. I’ll bet you have, too.

We’ve been conditioned.

Let’s say you been on hold with customer service for what seems like forever. One of the first things the phone rep might say is “thank you for your patience.”

They’ve been trained to say it. But you?

You’re not feeling patient. You’re feeling the exact opposite of patient.

“Thank you for your sarcasm,” you want to reply. But don’t.

Because that’s not how we’ve been trained to play the ‘thank you for your patience’ game. The rules of this social situation say “You can’t be authentic. You must pretend to be patient.”

So you sigh, choke down your fury, and move the conversation forward. You’re also aware the ‘thank you for your patience’ game took another 3 seconds of your time. This further erodes your already frayed pretend-patience.

The patience game is oh-so tedious. You’d rather not play it, but what can you do?

Always a dog, tugging a rope

The other day, I saw a sign attached to a velvet rope. A business was training customers to snake through a queue to get to three harried customer service reps. The sad little sign read — you guessed it:

“Thank you for your patience.”

But few people looked patient. Most looked annoyed and/or weary.

Some looked resigned to their fate. These more placid people had whipped out their phones and were amusing themselves while they waited.

But you? You have some degree of emotional intelligence. You know ‘resigned to your fate’ is a far different feeling than ‘patience’.

The sad little velvet rope sign could have more truthfully read,

“You might be waiting in line a long time. Management would appreciate it if you could resign yourself to this fate.”

Why don't you thank me for my patience one more time?

Businesses who ‘thank you for your patience’ plan to inconvenience you. They know in advance they have a problem. They could have invested in resources. They could innovate. They could choose to handle your issue promptly — but they didn’t.

They decided it’s cheaper to make a sign. Or it’s easier to tell a frazzled front-line employee to utter some clichéd words in an attempt to soothe you into compliance.

“Thank you for your patience” relies on behavioral conditioning. It’s a blatant attempt to cow customers into acting in a way that’s not authentic.

It’s Pavlovian. You hear “thank you for your patience” – and you might actually simmer down for a few seconds. You know it’s not the front-line rep’s fault. You want to snap — but you probably won’t.

Not yet. But all that’s changing.

You might not have to play the ‘thank you for your patience’ game too much longer. Some new signs are cropping up. Your natural, authentic impatience is being recognized and rewarded.

  • Wait in line at a movie? Or download it instantly from home?
  • Wait in line for returns? Or download an app?
  • Go to the store? Or have the store come to you?

Industry leaders in customer service are putting out new signs. All these signs say:

“Thank you for your impatience. You’re inspiring us to innovate as fast as we can.”

Consequently, your behavior will change. You will find yourself losing an enormous amount of patience with businesses that thank you for your patience.

You will not be loyal. You will not comply. You will not be obedient.

But for the moment, you might still have to work with a company that relies on you to fake some patience. Take heart. These companies might not be around much longer.

Until they’re gone for good, play your own game. Count how many times you hear and see ‘thank you for your patience’ for the rest of the year. Note the businesses that have invested in this Pavlovian practice.

Then, see how much longer they last. Maybe our impatience will finally be rewarded.


Laura has decades of experience as a business communication coach. She has a Master’s Degree in Public Administration and leads workshops on effective communication. You can find Laura on Twitter and at YouTube.

Check out her courses on LinkedIn Learning: Crisis Communication and Public Speaking.